As I was reading OS Hillman’s TGIF post this morning, Insecure Leadership « Marketplace Leaders, it reminded me of a time not so long ago. From worldly standards, I was a pretty successful person not long ago. I had the nice house, beautiful wife, two children (1 – boy, 1 – girl), a golden retriever, second home on a lake, big executive title, corner office, and the list likely goes on. I am sure you get the picture. Well, as I left my corporate position, I had the opportunity to go through a fairly extensive self-assessment process. I have learned many things along this self-assessment journey, however, today’s post highlights one specific.
I discovered that, while successful, I would only chose to engage in those things where I could see myself be successful. In areas of my life, I didn’t see myself being successful, I chose not to engage. Sounds reasonable, right?
Wrong, what I discovered was that I was intentionally not engaging in aspects of my live I needed. For example, in my family relationships, things were going pretty good, however, I wasn’t intentionally working to improve these relationships. Or, when I had an opportunity to lead outside the office, I wasn’t choosing to use this gift.
So, why not? Well, it relates to Os’s post this morning. Deep down, I was a insecure, controlling leader who at the core was truly afraid of failing. Matter of fact, what I discovered is that this in one of many peoples biggest fears and likely more prominent in “c-suite” than most would ever imagine.
Since that time, the number one thing I have figure out is, “I am not in control”. While I have been a follower of Christ for many years, I really hadn’t surrendered control of my life to him on a daily basis up until more recently. As with many, it took a time of suffering and brokenness to come to this point. Now, I don’t define success as the world does. My success and self-worth is defined by God. Once you figure this out, the insecurity and fears truly start to fade away.
As Os states, “A secure leader realizes God is the source of His power and leadership….” While I have lapses in understanding this daily, I can tell you the journey is much more exciting as you turn over the control.
Have a fantastic day!