Who Is Your Primary Advisor?

This past week I was sitting with a business owner who is in the process of transitioning his business and reflecting on what’s next in life.

A few months back we met, and he said, “For the past 40 years of my life, I’ve been very clear on my purpose and calling. For the first time in 40 years, I’ve come to a place where I’m pondering what’s next and what that might look like for the season ahead.”

He then asked, “Do you think your book could help a guy like me?”

To which I responded, “I don’t know. How about you read it and let’s find out.”

Since that time we’ve continued to meet, and a common theme has surfaced in our conversations: the importance of marriage and being aligned with our spouses.

My friend shared a story with me last week. He said, “I remember a conversation with my wife back when we were starting our business together. I told her, ‘Beyond God, you’re my primary advisor in this business.’

She replied, ‘How can that be? I know nothing about business.’

To which I responded, ‘I know, and that’s not what I’m seeking.’”

As my friend shared this story, I smiled because I could relate so deeply to what he was saying.

Lisa and I had almost the exact same conversation years ago, with her responding in nearly the same way.

As I share in Chapter 7, “Discernment,” of From Success to Surrender:

“Perhaps the most influential person in my process of discernment is my wife, Lisa. In a Christ-centered marriage, our spouses should be among our most trusted advisors. I won’t move forward on a significant decision unless Lisa and I are unanimously united. What some might find frustrating, I find peaceful, knowing my wife is seeking God’s guidance alongside me.

Lisa and I didn’t always have this dynamic. It wasn’t until recent years that we started praying and seeking direction together more regularly. Her prayers for me to become the spiritual leader of our household were answered through a journey that began with my job loss and search for God’s purpose in my life. Our journey is still unfolding, but it’s now a partnership where we both seek God’s will for our lives.”

As Lisa and I come alongside couples through premarital counseling, marriage discipleship, and even business conversations, this topic comes up often.

In fact, after facilitating more than 450 advisory board meetings for business owners, one of the most pivotal questions in our meetings is often:

“What is your spouse saying?”

Candidly, it’s almost a given now that when someone in the room is wrestling with a significant decision, this question will surface.

So to Lisa, my friend’s wife, and perhaps many of you reading this, the natural question becomes:

Why would someone ask their spouse, who may have little or no business experience, for business advice?

And furthermore:

Why would we allow that voice to be one of the primary sources of discernment in our lives?

To fully answer that question, we would have to unpack the theological context of the “one flesh” union described throughout Scripture.

Today, I’m not attempting to walk through that theological argument.

Instead, what I want to share is the testimony of many couples, including Lisa and me, who have experienced how powerful it can be when decisions are made together, rather than independently.

Time and time again, we have seen how God uses the unity of a husband and wife to bring clarity to decisions in both life and business.

As we continue focusing on the theme of marriage throughout the month of March, I encourage you to pause and reflect:

Are you seeking your spouse’s counsel?

Are you viewing them as a primary advisor in your life?

And if not, ask yourself:

Why is that?

That question alone may have the potential to unlock a breakthrough in your marriage… and in your life