Are You Still Friends?

The past few weeks, we’ve been focused on the importance of marriage and the power of “us” or “oneness.” We’ve also shared Lisa and my desire to help leaders and couples flourish in faith, marriage, and leadership—so their lives reflect a lasting legacy.

Continuing with this theme, I want to focus this week on the importance of being friends.

Some of you know that I’m ordained as a Minister of Christ and have the privilege of performing wedding ceremonies regularly. In nearly every message, I share three things that are often overlooked—but, when practiced consistently, can only strengthen a marriage:

First, encourage. Encourage each other often. Life will be hard at times—mentally, physically, and spiritually—and in those seasons, encouragement matters more than ever. It refreshes your spouse, builds trust, and protects your marriage. And when things are going well, keep encouraging then too. Every word is a deposit—an investment that yields a return over time.

Second, laugh. Laugh with each other, and yes, laugh at each other—when appropriate. (Wives, you can laugh with and at your husbands. Husbands… proceed with caution.) Joy keeps your marriage light and your hearts connected.

Third, be friends. This might sound obvious, but it’s easy to lose sight of. You started as friends before you were a couple, and that friendship is what carries you through the ups and downs of life. If you want your marriage to be both enduring and endearing, stay best friends. Make time for each other, enjoy one another, and keep choosing friendship—because it’s friendship that makes love last.

Focusing on friendship…

It’s easy for marriage to drift into something that feels more like a partnership than a friendship. Life gets busy. Responsibilities increase. Conversations center around schedules, logistics, and what needs to get done next. Before long, you can find yourselves working side by side, but not truly connecting.

What we’ve been reminded of recently—and what both Scripture and experience affirm—is that the healthiest, most enduring marriages are built on intentional friendship. Not occasional connection, but consistent, daily investment.

It shows up in simple ways—staying curious about each other, making time for small moments, turning toward each other in everyday interactions, and choosing to enjoy one another, not just manage life together.

A conversation at the end of the day. A walk together. A shared laugh. A genuine question.

These moments may seem small, but over time they become the glue that holds everything together.

When friendship is strong, conflict becomes more manageable, trust deepens, joy increases, and “us-ness” becomes something you experience—not just something you talk about. When it weakens, even small things can start to feel heavy.

So the question isn’t just, “Do we love each other?”
It’s also, “Are we still choosing to be friends?”

This week, keep it simple. What is one intentional way you can invest in your friendship? Not as a task to complete, but as a way of choosing each other again.

If this resonates and you’d like to be more intentional in your marriage, we’d love to connect. We’ve been having more conversations with couples and leaders around these themes, and it’s been meaningful to walk alongside others in this season. You can use the link below to schedule a time with us.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not just love that sustains a marriage—it’s friendship that helps that love endure.