When Parenting Becomes Friendship

One of the gifts of this season of life is discovering that our relationship with our adult children can continue to grow and become something new.

Lisa and I are spending this week in Virginia visiting Mason and Kylie, something we try to do each summer. The trip has developed its own familiar rhythm over the years. We stop in Charleston, West Virginia, on the way down. We spend a day or two at Virginia Beach. We enjoy dinners together, sit around the campfire, and make space for the kinds of conversations that rarely happen when life is moving quickly.

As we reflected on the trip, Lisa shared something that has stayed with me. At some point, the relationship between parents and children can begin to shift. You never stop being a parent, but the relationship can also become a friendship.

When we visit Mason and Kylie today, it often feels like we are spending time with good friends who also happen to be our family.

That kind of relationship does not simply appear when children become adults. It is formed over many years through trust, presence, honest conversations, forgiveness, and a willingness on both sides to continue growing.

Some of our most meaningful moments together happen during long conversations around the fire or while sitting near the beach. We talk about life, relationships, faith, and the questions we are each still working through. This year, we had a particularly meaningful conversation about faith and the importance of having space to ask honest questions.

We do not need to have every answer in order to walk alongside the people we love. Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is a safe place to ask difficult questions without fear of judgment.

Not long ago, Lisa and I were asked to rate the strength of our relationships with our children on a scale of one to ten. We looked at one another and, without hesitation, both said ten.

That does not mean our family is perfect. It means we are deeply grateful for the relationships we have today and for all the years of intentional investment that helped shape them.

Legacy is not only what we leave behind someday. It is the relationship we are building right now.